Been such a busy busy month!!! Time has really flown and in 21 more days, its back to my pink room! looking forward to sleeping uphigh! and also..im running low on pain killers...these crams are killing me..thank God for painkillers! Wish i could get a jab, so much faster pain relief! Thank God pastor and aunt Rob are back too! and now everything is settled =)... Pastor and aunt rob, uncle H and aunty G will be keeping us in prayer as we seek to serve Him as a couple and grow closer to Him. grinz...they think ben and i being together is lovely =)... Praying for God's guidence as we walk this walk together, may it be a God honouring r/s. Amuesing..everyone sort of saw us getting together, everyone but us..took us quite a long time to actually find out...brain and i are quite blind mice. we were both thinking each other were forbidden fruits, so we both never said anyting and kept brushing it aside..but im glad somehow, exactly a month ago...he got it out of me...i never thought he'll look my way..but you did, and u loved me with bugsy and all my imperfections....thanks my dear.
 
Hm..strange though..tt the gossip going arnd is tht we are not heeding church advice,that we're facing church discipline, that the elders told us to call it off...hm...i wonder where they heard that from...cos no one ever said that to us when we went to find the elders to pray for us. oh well...there's lots more gossip flying arnd, dragging up the past too..i find it highy amuesing...people should really pray more and talk less. want us to break up? perhaps they should pray more to God, for His will to be done. I find though the ones who talk so much..their own lives are quite a mess, they cant even handle their own problems, still got time to come up with so much gossip. stooping to such low levels, kinda weak and pathetic isnt it.

Anyway, its been so much fun! Thnak God expts are working pretty well, and so its the rounding up stuff before heading home =)!Ben and i have been having heaps of fun together =) here are some of our advantures! 


Cooking at home and when we're lazy to cook...Chilliz to the rescue!


Fishing, BBQs and Abaloning!

Thanks for adding so much colour and joy to my life!

The sure way to unhealthy eating...in excess

sardines
milo
espresso
eggs
soup that taste quite erm...gross (this got chucked)
fishballs
crab sticks

there's no instant mee hence that dosent contribute to the unhealthy diet. hahah

often times we choose our own paths to self destruction, and there's no one to blame but ourself.  
Anything in excess is bad la..excess sleep, excess grieving, excess eating, excess baggage, excess emotions, excess expectations, excess disappointment, excess worrying, excess procrestination..etc etc...
wah..the last is the worst...

so...everything in moderation with eyes focused on the Lord....so that come what may...as long as i keep my eyes on Him, nothing will be in excess...human responsibility, divine soverinty.
 
chop chop w writing ruth!

grinz......if u want to know..ask me! and maybe i'll tell...its a secret!

Have figured a new way to stay warm...

DRINK LOTS OF WARM WATER! its freezing...even though the sun is shining..i am freezing..3 layers, jeans..and im feeling the shivering cold. its like my muscles are all tensed up and cant relax. so cups of warm water. PLUS: the benefit of h2o cannot be undermined...and it keeps hunger pangs away. 3 uses...nice! water...yucks!

Anyway realise i've been skypping alot...and that's use up alot of quota at home...so upgraded to 15G peak, 20G offpeak. and no one uses offpeak unfortunately!2am-12pm..i try to sleep by 1am...and wake for uni, leave house by 8.30am. so ie: no can do the 2-12 on weekdays. Am going to try to catch up on bleach and naruto this friday night...haha...will wait till 2am to start streaming...goodness...think there must be at least 15 episodes to catch up on. wheeee....cant wait for friday night after ypf! ...and unfortunately, i'll be working thru this weekend in uni...sunday got to come back for abit too..opps....i'll make it really really fast..just change solutions and go home n chill!

Blood Donation Drive! I am gg to try for it today! hence...i am eatting and have downed 2 glasses of water. If i'd know earlier, i'd have worn jeans for the added weight. i hope water weighs alot. but haha...im sure those late night suppers ive been having for the last few weeks are going to help too. nice nice nice!!!Although i think there's a high chance they'll reject me..considering how generally im not in the pink of health..more like the baby pink of health. getting there but not quite pink pink. I just pray i dont faint....it will be rather embrassing...ultra embrassing infact. Ruth cannot be so WEAK.

1.10pm: they have enough people for blood..no need mine...=(....great..i drank those 2 glasses of h20 for nothing! 
 
A changelling message last night..

 "For if ye forgive men thier trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; But if ye forgive not men thier trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." Matthew 6:14-15

and me...i've held on too long..way too long to the grudges i bear. Forgiveness...forgive even if there is no apology. forgive, more so if the person asked for forgiveness. I held on to the grudge because she never said sorry, because she was fed and watered but never felt even the slightest remose, all she said was i feel i havent done anything wrong. and so i took that as an excuse to continue hating her, and for that i am very sorry. I might never meet her again, and even if i do meet her, things will never be all rosy and cheery like before...after all..only an idiot will not be cautious...somethings are lost forever, but i will not hate u any anymore and i will forget the past and you too with it..letting go..i will not let hate eat my heart..or hinder my spiritual walk...after all...its the past..and who knows what later might bring. but i apologise to you..for bearing a grudge aganist you all these years.

And sorry to you...for u had to put up with me for 2 years...always coming back to the same thing, going round in circles..thanks for being so patient and stll standing by me even today. sorry i burdened you with my hate and hindered out spiritual walk. sorry love.

wah..serious man..God wont forgive me if i dont forgive...and tt's even worst to have God angry with me, and P said if u dont forgive...u cant take the Lords supper, you cant say the Lords prayer..and you'll end up turning away from God...which is what i did right..i couldnt forgive and ended up straying from Him...wanting to come back to Him but couldnt bring myself to let go. Dont walk the same path i took...its a painful one..and one that will be full of saddness and burdens, hatered will eat your heart and leave u empty, bittness will make you ruthless and ugly.

Thank you Lord for softening my heart and helping me to let go for all bitterness and hate.

Im sorry i havent been there for you..and u probably dont really want me around either...but i really hope ur somehwhere u can rest ur mind, stay safe...no matter what..there is always hope...there is always a light at the end of the tunnel...ur a very dear friend to me..and i miss the happy crazy nutty smilie silly friend..know its been really tough and i havent been there for u as much as i should be..im sorry im always either at uni or out playing, really hope you'll be happy again...allow God to heal and fix you..He is the best physician...I'll be praying for you..and know that many are praying for you and pleading ur case for you too..pick urself up...and walk on...remember ur promise to the Lord when u were sick...remember and fullfill that promise..and study hard too...in all you do, Do ur best for the Lord...remember these girl...remember and move ahead. your like a sister to me..so please dont give up...be strong..God is ur strength..dont look back...dont live in the past...wake up girl..please wake up and grab on to the future...i fear ur falling deeper and further away...remember your salvation,  count your blessings...the Lord will never leave you..so lean on Him for strength and come back, get back on track..it is not too late.
 
As ur friend..i should have told you this earlier..and i regrete not telling you this cos i know ur going through a really tough time, i might not fully understand what your going through, but i know ur struggling and struggling is not easy ..and i didnt want to hurt you....but now im telling u over this blog (i hope u read this still)...wake up girl..wake up...enough...its time to really start climbing out of the hole...no more excuses, no more 'whys' , no more talk about that person or analysing why certain things happened..enough girl...no more self-pity and no more questions about the things of the past. wake up now before its too late, wake up now and do something before ur studies are destroyed..im telling you as ur friend, as a sister, u are not on tract with ur studies. i am not judging you..please dont feel that...but im telling you, ur studies are in trouble..u are so behind in ur studies...u must start now and work doubly hard if not u will not finish it. wake up girl, im sorry i should have told this to you instead of not saying anything and letting u go on and on. enough girl..enough..stop ok? stop before you destroy ur life and ur future. please wake up. i will be here..i promise you..when u are ready to wake up and start focusing fully on ur studies and let go, forgive and move on, i will be here, and i will do my best to help you in whatever way i can. but girl...no more rantings about that person, u cannot use him as an excuse anymore to avoid doing what needs to be done....do u understant girl? do you?yes..it hurts..but u dot to get pass it..and u can rant about studies, u can rant about stress..but u got to want to wake up, u got to put in that effort, u got to put the past in a box, lock it and throw both the key and the box out. u got to girl..u have to if u dont want to wake up in 5 years time and look back and regret so much u wasted ur time.  girl...im telling you straight to ur face now...u are so close to losing EVERYTHING u love, cherish and treasure....please wake up...its not too late if u wake up NOW, i tell u there are many who are willing to help you when u decide to pick urself up..we are here for u..i speak not just for myself..but the others i know who will be there to walk along side you.dont feel like ur alone...we are here...but u got to take that first step forward, please take that step now..please girl..im pleading with you as ur friend..please take that step forward and dont look back... 

im sorry if this made u angry, upset or u think i dont understand you or u think im judging you or you think im not ur friend anymore. you are accountable to God only..Girl...u made the promise to God if u survive, you will serve Him...God will hold u accountable for making such a promise...girl...fullfill ur promise...He will strengthen you when u commit ur life to Him, He will supply the strength u need to serve Him..He promised He will so fullfill ur promise u made to Him..it is no light matter to make a promise to God..He kept u alive, He healed you...so fullfil ur side of the deal.

If u need me...u know where i am.

Day 1 of Immunohistochemistry!!!! Its a 5 day protocol...well...lets make it 7 days then i dont have to come in on saturday..haha..easy peasy!the last part is just squashing the muscle, im sure squashing it 2 days more wont make a diff right? at most i'll go bk to uni bright and early sat morning and remove the slides.

Im glad i got my protocol up and working and now in the testing phase...I PRAY THAT IT WORKS!!! if not it'll be trouble shooting..and trouble shooting takes forever! Like really...a hundred and one ways for things not to work, and sadly only a few ways it'll work. but God willing it will work then i can proceed to part to of creating protocol. Dont I just love experiments! ITs like coming up with your own recepie to make a yummy delicious cake! such a nerd!!! heh..my fellow phd mate was wondering why i was so happy i had a 5 day protocol to do...hm..to me its like taking a step forward, and hey, weekends are just weekends i guess...i rather do weekends and end in 3yrs, then do no weekends and never end.

Anyway, weathers been CRAZY...i hope this sat at the Perth Royal Show it wont be too cold! And...unfortunately today is coughing fit day...like really bad coughing fits...i was in a meeting w sup, and started coughing..and couldnt stop..bet she thinks i have sars!!! and like cough till my eyes started watering..so weird...i hope it stops...2nd time it happened was talking to E, and she thought i was choking to death. hahah..and later she jokingly said go put on a mask! well...2phd students are sick in my room...i hope i didnt catch anything.

Hm..i dont know to be amuesed or to be burdened or to be horrified or to be cautious or perhaps im just being crazy...and i know ur busy..sigh..and i know i have to be independent..and i cant keep leaning on others for support...if not i'll never stand on my 2 feet, and i'll end up causing trouble for others...but just sometimes i really wish u'll be less busy...i know im busy too..but ya..i just wish...k..stop wishing and focus on the project!!!! a billion papers to read and write!!! Presentation date 24 Nov 2009, proposal to be submitted before, review paper submission before i fly back to sg 22 Dec 2009. RUTH DEADLINES are coming up and u still got time to think about personal needs? WAKE UP!!!!  that includes no time to be sick..bleah

its better sometimes to not know..then to know so much and be burdened by it..TRUE?

but then if u take it too extreme...then u'll end up blur like me! blur and clueless..but HAPPY!

Gone again!!! my precious weekend! GONE!!! argh...and what did i do this weekend...

Saturday
-wake
-laundry
-clean living rm n kitchen
-hang laundry
-talk
-uni
-budi's place to go pastor
-typing at pastors
-YAF and dinner at N&N's 9love the pumpkin soup)
-Borrow dvds for our girlie movie night..it was suppose to be movie night..but opps.
-talk
-sleep

Sunday
Church
Oldfolkies visit
Fishing w boys at narrows (caught 2 blowies!) (now i can set up the lines and tie the knots myself =))
Dinner at Hawkers Cuisin - ruth had bbt!
Talk to kilus - unfortunately i was so tired i fell asleep on him
Throat was really pain...and it kept waking me up...
Woke at 2am cos my phone went off, replied afew sms half asleep = i think i wrote junk, opps!
sleeppppp

Monday
UNI! and its pouring like crazy outside....i dont feel like gg out into the storm =(
-embedding spinals
-try out new protocol
-write the paper cos boss is back tue!


learn how to make nice nice creamy pumpkin soup!
learn how to drive!! and i found a potential car too! Then when the gbers, friends or family is here i can bring them around!
catch a big big fish just for the experience!! =)


ok ruthie...uni awaits...wish i can sleep anohter 30mins. fat hope!

perht royal show soon =) roller coasters! showbags! animals! and i must start saving more...exceeding my budget...TG pay is coming in =)

After an hour of painstaking slow careful disection of the spinal cord, it frayed! THE STUPID spinal cord frayed!!!

Admid the disecction though, there was alot of "crap" "shoot" and "damn" coming out....i think the other labmates must think im crazy..oh well..fustration...imagine trying to scoop taowhey out of a bone straw, without breaking or damaging the taowey. and imagine it is about the size of a pen refill, and the taowhey...its got bits poking out of the straw, and u need to get those bits out too...intact and w.o damage, and the best yet..its all soaking in 4%PFA solution. but anyway, its out, its frayed and now i got another one to work on before i can pack up an do grocery shopping.

Seriously..i think grocery shopping is a waste of time, just like how eating is a waste of time and money, and we should just be sleeping! sigh..quite complaining ruth! i wish kilus was here to stock my fridge with goodies! i think the smell of instant mee is really making my appetite disappear. Instant mee 3 days in a row. best. now i need to find another instant dish. instant soup and instant pasta and indo mee is out too..the smell of which is quite bad too cos i ate too much last time.

Here's tmr's schedue!!!

1.wake up (do i really have to..sigh)
2.quick breaky
3.put clothes in to wash
4.Go uni, put brain in sucrose, put more OCT into old brains, check if spine sunk, if it did, put OCT in
5.Hang clothes out to dry
6.make a dish for YAF
7.Head down to city west to renew learners permit
8.head to pastors to do some typing
9.go for YAF
10.HOME!!!!!
11. If still alive, vaccume room
12. If still alive, sleep!

Me thinks there's too much doing on tmr..sians..

oh..and make time for finding those antibodies to buy
and what is the protocol for antigen retrival
and what antibody is best to use
and what documents i need to apply for CMCA
and somehow let scholarship ppl know i have a paper 2nd author submitted to Journal of Cell Science


yay...get organised ruth! ur lagging behind STILL!!!

Got to talk to mummy last night! yay! We were skyping! got webcamera too! haha..mummy updated me on what they've been doing, i even got to hear stranger! next time i'll ask daddy to carry mochi to the camera! girnz.. missing my babies! mummy say mochi lost weight..and is now able to run on the wheel w/o dropping off! so poor thing..no more fat fat mochi! sob...and mummy told corn she'll be feeding mochi more bread and snacks so by the time i get home mochi will be fat fat again! haha

Other than that, big gg is back in sg,hopefully he'll get his job, and im glad mama has someone to be w her, i always worry something might happen to her, she is after all so old, and ya...hope someone can look after her soon. And mummy and her desparado gang is going to malacca for thier get away...every few months they all zao work to go somewhere..so fun! And mummy said they'll come over and visit me! and stay in our place! I hope they come soon..m running out of shampoo..grinz...and a few (10-20)more random items from home would be nice..especially more clothes!!! right now...haha..i look like im wearing the same clothes all the time!!hahah...

And got to skype w kilus, and he says im cute =), he always says im cute, even when im super unglam and not really cute. haha.. i love him, he really is so sweet! and today was thinking..hm...whats a nice date to get married, and cos 090909 just passed...i was thinking 121212 is rather nice! and 121207 is our anniversary date. so i told corn,i was afraid he'll be like all stress im talkinjg bout marriage...but guess what..he said he was thinking the same 121212 too!!!hahaha..but he asked will that be too long for me, cos by then he'll be 30! and me..i'll be 28! but hey...i hope to finish my phd by july 2012. so having our wedding in dec is pretty good ya..just tt its a wednesday..so not sure how..haha..but so funny! we both think the same thoughts!

more later! sleep is calling me! 

Big storm outside by the way..lots of fallen branches in uni..good think not on myhead!

oh..and intuation wise..haha...i should listen to the bells in my head!
like for example...i sent and email out to a sara, it did occur o me when i was sending that hm...something is wrong...bellls going off..but did i listen..no...i just send. and come 3.30, someone mentioned that there are 2 saras!!! wah..sians..i send the wrong info to the wrong sara! but thank God still managed to send another one out before 4pm. if not i'll have one very angry sarah at my lab tmr waiting for disection that's not going to happen.

Thank God for:::::
1. mice disection cancelled
2. got home safely
3. instant mee and eggs!
4. sleep
5. skype and webcammie!!

"Yes we're ok. Sat papa n i going malacca. Weill be back sun. Surprise! Haha didn't expect him to agree. Grassland tpt - booked n paid already! Equatorial H."
 
"Sorry i was in e bunkers at fort canning - no reception. Everything's usual. Bird n rat still surviving. Got 2 eggs - didi wants salted eggs. U ok? Bought clothes? Noe ok? no more tuk? Weather hotter? Is corn back fr uk? How's e rats over in ur lab? All ur plants r growing big - got 2 transplant soon. Take care."


mochi the hamster is now : "e rat"
mice at work are now : "e rats"
"Noe ok?" = Nose ok?
"no more tuk?" = no more stuck?

hahhaha....mummy is so funny..full of nonsense too.... oh kilus..now that ur back..cld u pop by my place and check on "e rat" and "bird" when ur free? my poor rat at home must be very lonely...and neglacted...in need of squeeze and cuddle. and the silly bird is still laying eggs! what!!! bad bad bad...means she's in a foul mood and is bitting anything that comes near her.

Ok..i am SO UNPRODUCTIVE TODAY! gg to run off home after meeting..cos right now..im sitting here using the internet and wasting time. At least when im home one less distraction. hai..stupid ruth. please im begging u to read those papers and paraphase all those sentences. Im having so much trouble figuring out these stupid trophic factors its driving me nuts!!!

All these factors are driving me insane.. argh. it acts on dono what..secreted by dono what..multiple receptors, can be knock down w/o phenotype = redundent/overappling function...but then if overexpress result in suppression or increased sprouting, and argh!!! i cant figure out where goes where and who binds with what and then there's that concentration thing, where sometimes more of it results in a different effect compared with less of it.. argh...ARGH!!!! crazy crazy crazy..and tt's why im ending up not studying..i need to sit and really lay out all the info on a big piece of paper and brain storm..sigh..more like brain dead...and why arnt my stupid neurons cooeperating???

all i want to do is go sleep.

sleep is bad

sleep is addictive

sleep is what i live for

wake up sleepy head!

Wow...day's been gg pretty well..Thank God! Woke at 1am, managed to finish my introduction chapter 1.1..was working on my chapter 1.2 when i kinda wet brain dead at 2.30am and went to sleep. NOT good..only 1.5hrs of work...but well..its ok...

Then woke up...and my alarms just kept gg off..im so afraid i'll over sleep..and i must have forgotten how many alarms i set, but yes..7.10, 7.15, 7.20, 7.30, 7.35, 7.45 and 7.54...goodness...im surprised C is still sleeping...the dead would have been woken up!

And I was kinda late so had to walk fast fast to uni today...went pass the pond and there beside the pond was Daddy and mummy duckie..and 9 little ducklings!!they look so tiny..like day old duckies...will be seeing more of them around uni now that spring is on the way..awwww...so cute the little things!

And here's even better news! My hairstylist in sg smsed me!!!!I AM SO HAPPY!!! Here is the guy who really knows what i want and he does it fantastically...ok..well..i've been gg to him since 2004..so after 5 years he ought to know what i like..but ya..wah..i really really miss him...! and i was so scared i'll lose him cos im away and he mentioned he's leavng kimage..and he gave me his number but i lost it..so im so happy he smsed me! now i can still find him in sg! grinz...he makes me look prettttier..=) such a girl thing honestly ruthie. 

and here's the weird news: i checked my sg phone and sim...and hey..wonders of all wonders...my contacts have REAPPEARED!!! seriously..its been like a month gone...lost it whilst trying to transfer my contact to iphone..but ya..it just reappeared today..i mean how weird is that? seriously...perhaps simcards do regenerate? just like motoneurons? really? wow...(airhead moment)...grinz...but its really made my day..grinz...

and now i jsut got to sit my butt still, my brain focused as i try to write finish chapter 1.2 and abit more! 

Thank God for his goodness! =)

and yes...Thank God for PAINKILLERS!!! they are a wonderful thing...for w.o it i will be pretty miserable now. oh crammy go away please! 

Today felt very very VERY long...and finally its almost time to kun...but want to get some stuff out of my brain..and hopefully i wont have nightmares...

I complained about dirty dishes and mossy house...and the Lord put me in check...He's showed me how blessed i am..to have a roof over my head, to have friend to look after me, to have family back home waiting for me, to have my boy loving me just as i am..and most importantly to have health..to be able to walk, laugh, sleep eat..so what's so bad about a few dirty moldy dishes. Next time just wash them up, be thankful and do it unto to Lord. no complains.

And i say im homesick and miss my family and boy, but in reality, im so blessed to have even family and friends to miss, so yes ruth, stop looking inwards and making urself sad..theres much to be thankful, and many to reach out and to share some care, concern and love with. they are feeling even more lonely and neglected.

I've been so sheltered..this is the first time ive faced something like that...and unfortunately i didnt handle it too well...promise i'll do better next time..so gagged afew times,had to run out of the hosue cos i almost puked..and regretted eatting dinner...and squealed at a few sights...i should have composed myself more..while Aunt R was handling the worst...i felt so bad i couldnt be of more use...dinner would definitely have resurfaced if i did what aunt R was doing..sigh..ruth, why arnt thou so weak? better do better for tue's mice sampling.

Anyway, haha..after that..wearing a full yellow pj with mickymouse..wasnt really that bad..and yes i had to take a deep breathe and tell myself its ok..just walk thru the doors into a room full of kids...and just avoid all the stares and suppressed laughter...sigh...oh well..if kilus was there, im sure he'll find me cute..haha..tt's my own consolation..grinz...so ya..embrassing though it was...i was glad i got to shower and change..must do laundry..and disinfect shoes...infact..i think i'd better buy detol...and yes..i found a new shampoo that makes my hair quite nice, some sunsilk thing..opps...i just anyhow use since there wasnt anyhting else avaliable..anyway..haha..the comments i got after that was hilarous..and in the end..im glad everyone got quite a laugh out of it..me included.. the top though was rather short and it didnt quite cover my butt, so i was feeling rather selfconcious about that. But everyone had quite a good laugh..so it was well worth it la..and i just keep telling myself he would have found me cute..and tt's all that matters.  and really..clean clothes are worth it.

so here are a few desriptions:

Ty = "Power rangers"
Em = "I thought u werent wearing anything"
P = "What in the world are you wearing, that isnt how ur normally dressed"
"Talitabies"
"Bumble bee"
"Its ironic ur wearing a mouse shirt when u kill mice"

Shopping was good today too! Picked up more stuff...i wanted a beanbag, but good i didnt get it cos it wouldnt have fitted into b's car. thanks so much for the ride too! sorry to trouble u..sigh..ruthie needs to get her liscence badly, so she can be independent and stop relying on others for help, but insead be of help to others. Then stapling after ypf and i got really tired and my voice started to go off...throat hurts badly now..but at least i can still smile..probably not gg to talk cos its too painful.

ok..time to kun! breakfast with supervisor tmr...she said anytime after 10am. good..i hope we do Dome breakfast, she wants poached eggs..and i want scrambled eggs =)

Dear Lord,

Please make the rain stop..and the winds too..ruthie is very cold and waterlogged, and feels like she is being blown away..=( Please send Mr sunshine along.



It's like a mini typhoon out there...crazy winds, pouring rain..soggy soggy...where is Mr Sunshine? Gloomy weather makes me think of home..of naps in the living room..of the tinkling sound of rain as it hits the aluminum slates, of cold milo from the milo truck. And i fall asleep..warm and dry, under the covers of my blue blankie..while mochi and stranger sleep..waiting till mummy and daddy returns..



here its kinda lonely...its cold..and wet..and there's no warmth, even under so many layers..mummy and daddy wont be walking through the door..infact..no one is going to walk through the door. no kilus, no korkor no renny boy..and no warm furry mochi to squeeze when im stress (i dont squeeze mochi..just hold her in my palms..and i feel like stress drains away)..and no stranger to break the slience..and act silly to make me laugh. 

 

Late nights trying to get my brain working, reading and typing, trying to squeeze knowledge out of my neurons...and you know..people are SO complicated..so so complicated..think im going to tune out now..there's no answer, theres no solution, and u know..if i continue...i'll end up getting caught in all the mess of complicated people...so i reckon...i'll just bury myself in my review.



hurry back..please..ruthie really needs you, ruthie needs a listening ear and your advice and only you can hear what i have to say and tell me the things i need to hear....so please please be contactable soon...

Getting rid of cough...how? at least i can still breathe...i like breathing..dont u? sometimes i kinda wish i will get sick enough i can just lie in bed and rot...

Got hooked on korean drama...shining inheritance!! C and i watcch 5.5 episodes last night..and i got ZERO work done. Bad bad bad ruthie!

check this out..its so funny! gosh..getting nerdy

Now i know why the boys keep telling me i'm living in a moss farm...cos seriously...its down right disguesting! OH MY goodness..have these girls never been trained to wash up? ITs so gross..and none of them do it...its like they just live with it..and yes there's a certain amount of gross i can tolerate, especially since this isnt my home..but really..unwashed dished from the day i got here (ie 3 weeks ago), and cups with what looks like fermented milk, smells like fermented milk too..i nearly puked at the smell, and there's one even with mouldy peaches inside, and ya..the most disguesting of all: a cup w a tea bag inside..and the mould can be seen growing BIGGER day by day. ITs horriendous...even i dont even dare to touch that one...yucks...and to think they'll actually dare to reuse these cups and bowls? gosh...i was half tempted to throw everything away. so unhygenic! And ya...even the boys couldnt stand it. yucks...ok..tt's the last lot of dishes im gg to wash in this house..im out of here...im going to move into my new place..even if there's no internet there, and even if im half afraid to be alone in the empty house, even if i have to endure dark corridoors and gas leaks..im moving out man..this house is absolutely unhealthy!

And really...dont they even think to clean????

Tell me why am i doing my phd on neurons? why why why? I dont understand the brain...i've never understood it! NEVER! there's so many thing to memorise about the brain tt's why i hate it. Seriously..every part of the body is so SO much simpler than the brain. the nervous system is like one super complicated piece of fat. ITs like so small compared to everything..yet its so complicated. seirously..why??? its not just studying neurons, its how the stupid cells around them interact, and worst, how neurons to neurons talk..and lagi worst is how different parts control different things! and like that's not bad enough...lets add a few layers and odd shapes into the brain too...ventricles, ceberellum, cortext is all very easy to understand..but no...lets add ganglions and gryus and lots of other words i cannot even pronounce what more spell.

AND... like tt's not really bad enough...they have to criss cross as they go down the spinal cord..and so the left controls the right and the right controls the left...and there's more..some dont want to cross over..some prefer to go straight, and some more prefer to be short and some long and some just want to talk to another simply w synapses, but others prefer to latch on to talk! ARGH...

I need a crash cram course from a brain expert...sigh..i dont know how to learn it myself...ok..there's wiki which i've been reading up..but its so hard to find a proper pic of the anatomy...ya..and verntral horn and white and grey matter and seriously...this is all JUST THE BASIC. i havent even gotten down to the molecular level of factors and biomolecules and neurotoxins...

HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO WRITE A REVIEW IF I CANT UNDERSTAND THE BASICS!!!

ok..now tt's out..i can get back to studying...finishing off the text book from sup..yay!
muscle i can do...neurons...tell me i just dug my grave.

I want to go home.

Time is amazing...it helps one to forget...even the most painful momets..especially very useful with a very faulty memory like mine...and some things are better left forgotten...

so...here i was thinking i'll better sort through some photos of old...(well..these are photos of faith since 2004) and get out the irevalant ones cos bud wants them for anniversary, BUT...its too hard...i give up..too many reminders of the past and pain, and wah, suprising i still have these photos..when really..i would have burned them (deleted them) if i remembered they were in the computer. so yes..i will just pass all the photos (a few thousand) to bud and let him sort them out, i never want to see them. especially ones from 2006 and 2007. feel like just deleting the whole folders. but ok..i will not. not today, there are some good ones in them..but to find the good ones will mean gg thru the bad ones..and ya right..like i'd be stupid enough to restart my awefuly memory Ive tried so hard to repress these years. i had the unfortunate glimspe of the one dimsum one..if i had known i'd have used my fork as a weapon.

I sure hope bud dosent pick out the ones i hate..else i might just end up tearing the pages off the anniversary mag. gosh i really have to deal with my temper. cool it ruth